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July 15, 1971     Shelton Mason County Journal
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July 15, 1971

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It's time for the Journal's First Annual Utterances of the Year and Pygmy-Baiting Awards presentation. The winning utterances, all tops in divisional run-offs, were judged in the finals by a panel of experts headed by Berndt Partz, internationally-famous beauty contest emcee and part-time freelance intellectual. EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL AWARD Winton M. Blount, Postmaster General "The fortunate thing about America is it doesn't happen to be oriented aro,,-.d the New York-Washington axis. You get around the country, and you don't feel the sense of despair you get around the East. The columnists are trying to say this country is in a holluva fix, but it isn't true." Judges' comment: General Blount's clear view was obtained from atop a mountain of undelivered mail in Bottleneck, Kansas, from which he could see all fifty states and the island of Guam. PIPELINE TO HEAVEN AWARD Rev. Billy Graham, Evangelist "Some of the radical groups in the country are being led by so-called clergymen. Where many of these men get the 'reverend' in front of their names, I do not know. Certainly they don't get it from God." Judges' comment: This entry was accompanied by affidavits which emitted an unearthly glow. LOVE CONQUERS ALL AWARD Henry Kissinget, Presidential Assistant "What is needed now is a national recognition that only ! the President can take us out of the war (in Vietnam). The time has come for an act of national commitment to the Presidency, even an act of love." UNREALIZED DREAMS AWARD Lyndon Johnson, Former President of the United States "I hoped for a great deal more than has been achieved (in Vietnam). I was desperately trying to show that I was reasonable, that our country would prefer to talk rather than fight, that we were determined not to let aggression take over Southeast Asia, but that we would try to negotiate it out rather than fight it out. Now we haven't made any progress (at the Paris talks) - and my hopes have faded away, and my dreams have not been realized." Judges' comment: For additional information, see n 'ntagon Papers coverage in New York Times. lIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE TUNNEL AWARD Hubert H. Humphrey, Former Vice President of the United States Maybe history will say we were wrong (to involve ourselves in Vietnam), that we never should have been there. i;ut it is my view that we made the only decision that we could have made at the time, that it was a responsible decision in light of the evidence." Jud comment: For later developments, see Pentagon HORSE'S MoUTH AWAke" ~ ~"~ ............... ~ ......... Nguyen Cao Ky, Vice President of South Vietnam "They (1976 South Vietnamese elections) were only useful to elect a regime which is wrong and corrupted and weak, and would fall immediately with a revolution. It is hard for me to say so because I share the responsibility of those elections.., but I recognize evil where the evil is... (Americans) don't like me hecause I tell them what I think, and I accuse them of lying... Americans are not here for democracy or freedom; they are here to defend their interests." Letter, box: Editor, The Journal: Hang on to your hats folks! You are just about to lose your shirt, pants and pocket book! A big study has just been made (by an out of state company) and guess what? You are about to get your garbage picked up out in the county for a mandatory charge, whether you want it or not. And, also, before I forget - we will have to purchase some choice view property for $430,500.00 and then dig up a mere $85,000.00 for equipment to pick up your garbage. But I know you wouldn't want your garbage to go any other way than first class. Come on folks - Let's hear it for First Class Garbage! O. N. Brown Editor, The Journal: I think that probably one of the causes of so much confusion and unrest is the fact of unthankfulness. I want to mention a few of the many things for which we should be very thankful. First, the Mason County Hospital. In order to have a modern hospital like Mason General Hospital, it must have a beginning in the mind of some one. After this, a group of dedicated men must work hours and hours on the blue print and so on down the line. Then, after the building is completed, we should appreciate beyond expressing with words, the dedicated doctors and nurses who keep a watchful eye over suffering people. Words would not convey the full meahing of being able to place our loved ones in the care of efficient doctors and nurses. In the 56 years of our married life we have met many wonderful doctors. In our estimation, Dr. Schumacher stands with the very best. One of the greatest blessings is to know you have full confidence in the doctor who is directing medication to a loved one who is very ill. We have that kind of confidence in Dr. Schumacher. I do not doubt that the other doctors we have here in Shelton are also very good. I've talked to others who have this kind of confidence in their family doctor. It would be so easy to make this letter longer than it should be, but I want to mention that we should be very thankful for the Fir Lane Convalecence Home. Mrs. Isbell has spent 44 days there under the watchful eyes of the nurses as they administer daily care and medication. Yes, we are thankful that Mrs. Isbell is gaining with this efficient care and I believe she will soon be at home where she is missed so very much. We should also be very thankful for the Manor Rest Home. Just recently I visited this rest home. While conversing with one of the residents, he said, "Thank God for this home." Well; we have counted our blessings more carefully by recent experiences to find that things for which to be thankful out number the undesirable things. I think we will remember that the sun is always shining even above the clouds. Clouds will soon disappear and again the sun will seemingly thine brighter. R. L. Isbell Page 4 - Shelton-Mason County Journal - Thursday, July 15, DID I SAY THAT? AWARD John B. Connally, Secretary of the Treasury "I don't think we need any more 'Republican prosperity.' I've got all the Republican prosperity I want. I've got all the 9 and 10 per cent interest I want. I've got all the unemployment I want. Thank you just the same." Judges' comment: Secretary Connally uttered these remarks in Piano, Texas, several months before being plucked out of the Lone Star State by President Nixon. The judges were unable to contact him for an updated statement. WOOING THE NEW ELECTORATE AWARD Ronald Reagan, Governor of California "If we give the vote to 18-year-olds, the next President of the United States will have three things to worry about: Vietnam, inflation and acne." I I 3 SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY AWARD G. Harrold Carswell, Unsuccessful United States Supreme Court nominee "A fellow told me the other day that I was beginning to sound just like Spire Agnew. I said, 'Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!' " MONDAY MORNING QUARTERBACK AWARD Joe Namath, Football player "Everything that's been written about me is a lie." SILENCE IS GOLDEN AWARD AI Capp, Cartoonist "One of the immutable laws of Nature is that the college student is inferior to every other class. The instant he registers as one, he confesses to the world that he needs four more years of its indulgence and charity before he can contribute anything to it. It is a shameful and.pitiful state, and it would seem prudent for anyone in it not to attract attention to himself." # ON THE OTHER HAND AWARD Spire Agnew, Vice President of the United States "(Law-abiding Americans) need a strong voice to penetrate the cacophony of seditious drivel emanating from the best-publicized clowns of our society and from their fans in the Fourth Estate." - Atlanta, Georgia, February 21, 1970. "! have not the least doubt that the United States has the most self-demanding, least self-satisfied, most ingenious, least inhibited, best informed, least controlled, most professional, least subjective, most competitive, least party-line, fairest and finest journalist complex in the entire world. I have found newscasters and reporters, in large majority, as fair and objective as they are emotionally and psychologically able to be, and I have found the great preponderance of them conscientious in their calling. I have found most news accounts of my deeds and words accurate and factual. Indeed, time and again, I have found surprisingly complimenta coverage of my viewpoint by journalists who I h ppen d ; taot sufferfrom ardor of Agnew." - Honolulu, Hawaii, November 20, 1970. NEVER SAY DIE AWARD George Wallace, Former Governor of Alabama "I think I represent the majority viewpoint in this country; and if I don't now, I will by 1972." CONFESSION IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL AWARD John Mitchell, Attorney General of the United States "No question about it, I'm the liberal of the Nixon Administration." By ROBERT C. CUMMINGS The success of Gov. Dan Evans' entire governmental reorganization program may rise or fall with his new Department of Social and Health Services. During its first year, it has been on shaky ground. But complete request bills which failed last time. Next year is an election year. Few will be willing to stay around any longer than absolutely necessary. The Department of Transportation bill probably will have a top priority again. If it reorganization now has been doesn't, it can be taken completed. Legislators will be pretty good indication watching it closely during the coming months. A few legislative eyebrows were raised over four resignations during the past few weeks, but nothing was said. The administration had plausible. explanations for each. But since then there have been rumbles of dissatisfaction among other professional people in the upper echelons, particularly those connected with programs formerly administered by the Department of Institutions and Public Health. as a that Governor Evans plans to run for a third term. There seems some doubt whether a proposed constitutional Legislators W ary Many law-makers already are wary of creating any more of the super agencies called for in the reorganization program. If they become further disenchanted, it could kill any hopes of the Governor ever getting his super Department of Transportation. Many of those converts who have been supporting it recently were less concerned with reorganization than with the Highway Commission's apparent lack of responsiveness to the pubhc. Priorities Needed If Governor Evans wants to get much of the program which failed in the 1971 session through the special session next year, he may have to revise his priorities. The Legislature will be occupied p rimarily with the knotty problem of redistricting. It is unlikely to have time to take up consideration of all the executive 1971 "1 hope this wasn't bought in Oregon -- I'd hate to break the By STEVE ERICKSON An avalanche of indebtedness accompanies hero badges bestowed by Today's Army. You don't just receive one, you're suffocated by it. But don't expect any special consideration as part of the deal, soldier. Consider the case of a 21-year-old free spirit from East Tawas, Michigan, one Peter Lemon He singlehandedly held off a large enemy attack on his Vietnam position by fighting with machine guns, postols, rifles and grenades. When these became scarce he really got conventional - hand-to-hand combat. Meanwhile, in addition to being encircled by "mere gooks," Lemon was surrounded by the splattered remains of 12 fellow Americans. The U.S.A. decided Peter was a hero. Accordingly, he was presented with the Medal of Honor last month by Our President. The Medal of Honor is America's highest decoration for valor, and as a result of its stringent heroic requirements, most of them are presented posthumously. amendment authorizing the state to loan its credit to private corporations will get through the 1972 Legislature to go on the 1972 ballot. A recent hearing on the proposal by the Legislative Couucil's Commerce Committee failed to attract much more than casual interest. Public ports weren't represented. Those which appeared were more interested in federal aid in the form of harbor improvements by the Corps of By DAVE AVERILL You think those Boeing guys have problems? You're right - and probably you haven't even heard about Jack Noonan and his chicken artillery. Mr. Nodnan has a 70-foot cannon with which he fires chickens at airplanes. The Wall Street Journal gives him space on the front page to tell about it. The chickens used as ammunition in Mr. Noonan's cannon are dead, sparing chicken-lovers any pangs of anxiety. They are martyrs in the cause of science. Their bodies, propelled by compressed air at 700 miles an hour, are used to demonstrate what happens when wild birds fly into the path of fast-moving aircraft. What happens is sometimes almost as unpleasant for the airplane as it is for the bird. And Mr. Noonan, the chicken-cannon man, is Working to see if he can't help aircraft manufacturers find better ways of building bird-proof aircraft parts. It is a problem in aircraft design that may not have even occurred to you, but it provides a new set of worries for engineers at Boeing and other aircraft firms, who are stuck with the job of trying to meet tough new federal requirements on bird-proofing. Newest rule: The tail assembly must be able to stand up to the impact of an 8-pound bird striking it at 500 miles an hour. Jack Noonan says, right on the front page of the Wall Street Journal, that it can't be done. He's got the birds to prove it. from the Bainbridge Review Army Engineers, matching funds, federal grants in aid, etc. One port official said the state proposal would be nice to have, but wasn't sure it was needed. A legislator said he thought it was needed, but questioned whether the state could afford it. Introduced as SJR 22 in the 1971 session, it struggled through the full 120 days. Its chances of getting anywhere could hinge on prospects for improvement in the economy. It had Governor Evans' endorsement last session as part of his economic recovery package. Boating Bill Aground The Governor's boating regulation bill remains hard aground, but a Legislative Council committee plans to amend it and try to get it afloat for the 1972 session. But at a recent hearing, it ran into the same difficulties that have confronted it for the past 20 years; the same opposition, and the same wide area of disagreement over the type of legislation that should be enacted, if any. In view of other problems facing the special session, its prospects don't look any better. Meanwhile, the committee has decided to scuttle the boat holding tank bill completely, and leave the matter up to federal regulation, although the concensus is that the federal regulations will be unenforceable. Used Car.Landmark Stricter observance of a two-year-old law making it illegal to roll back odometers on used cars offered for sale is expected as the result of a landmark case in Franklin County. A Portland dealer was' convicted on two counts of grand larceny for setting back odometers on two cars he sold, increasing their purchase price an estimated $200 to $400. Maybe that's less painful all around. ,, t "Before the White House ceremonY, " cut about three inches off my hair and first thing when I got to Washington, started to hassle me to get some more Peter just didn't look like a hero Then there's ex-Col. David most decorated soldiers of all time. lie service when he was 1 5 and has spent the Army. Hackworth was wounded four times times in Korea. He holds eight Distinguished Service Crosses, nine Bronze Stars. His merit badge sash glories. But Hackworth, who was being cq once, recently resigned his commission way the Vietnam debacle has run. Right now the Army "is and why not? He did, after all, rn statement as "I could not in good 'My country, right or wrong'." Hackworth also observed between never got "the real facts about razzle-dazzle, Hollywoodized briefings and extremely well-rehearsed high .government officials when theY Wow! Look out, sir, that's candor, you come. Peter Lemon remarked that "The would we like it if we went to Russians or the Chinese came over us?" But Hackworth observes that we that much help anyway, except "Possibly as many as one-fifth Vietnam resulted from friendly other," he points out. Hackworth isn't back in thiS when he arrives he plans to "freely with anybody, even the Army or sure to ask several. Peter Lemon says "I just want to in peace - to be left alone among the friends." And, if he can get clearance, grow. IIIIIIIIIIIlUlIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlUlIlUlIIIIIIIIIIIII Founded 1886 by Granl Mailing Address: Box 430, Shelton, Wa. 98 Published at Shelton, Mason weekly, except two issues during Entered as Second-Class Matter Member of National Editor Member of Washington Newspaper SUBSCRIPTION RATES: $5.00 P in advance -- Outs ,o EDITOR AND PUBLISHER .......... " PLANT SUPERINTENDENT ..... NEWS EDITOR .................... "! OFFICE MANAGER ............... .* ,,. OFFICE ASSISTANT ........... '" ADVERTISING MANAGER ..... ' WOMEN'S EDITOR ............. ~IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlUI~IUlIlUlIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIi