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Shelton Mason County Journal
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December 16, 1971     Shelton Mason County Journal
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December 16, 1971
 

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We had a visit this week from the first of what will undoubtedly become a rapidly-growing new breed of self-employed financial wizards. The gentleman's name is Bertram W. Bounty. He is a former aerospace engineer who joined the ranks of the unemployed when Boeing went into its nosedive. "1 designed the hidden buttons that control the seat position on airliners," he told us with a touch of pride. "I received a substantial incentive bonus when a survey revealed that no first-time passenger could find the button without help from a stewardess." Bounty did not take his layoff gracefully. Too proud to accept welfare and faced with an end to his unemployment payments, he climbed to the top of Mt. Pilchuck where he could plot his future free from the distractions of a Bellevue split-level which contains eight children, three dogs, two hamsters and an unemployed brother-in-law who keeps a parakeet. The inspiration for his ingenious new pathway to fame and fortune came from a copy of the Seattle P-l, in which Bounty had wrapped a cheese sandwich and an apple to sustain him during his week-long meditation. "In that edition were two stories that jumped right off the page at me," said Bounty. "One concerned the P-l's Secret Witness program which pays a reward for information leading to the apprehension and conviction of criminals. The other told of the reward offered to persons giving information which leads to the conviction of violators of the Rivers and Harbors Act of 1899." thrown into the water by some slob and within half an hour give you an analysis of its oil content, total suspended solids, volatile suspended solids, turbidity, color, odor and Ph.'" Bounty realizes that the larger sums will take a while to reach his bank account, but he is willing to wait for what he terms a "veritable bonanza" which he anticipates as a result of the work he is doing now. His reports to the Internal Revenue Service are a case in point. "1 obtained an American Medical Association directory and turned in the name of every doctor in the state," he said. "The process of investigation, prosecution and conviction will take time, but I figure I'm bound to hit on a few. I can wait. In the meantime, I'm busy blanketing other professions. You could probably help me; 1 haven't been able to secure a list of the state's newspaper publishers." Bounty's research has also turned up some aspects of the American Reward Syndrome which do not have to do with criminal activity but will add to his income. "Did you know that the federal government is spending $770,000 on a project in five cities to pay the parents of children whose grades improve?" he asked. "Do you realize what this could mean to a parent with eight kids? The project is being conducted in Oakland, San Antonio, Cincinnati and Jacksonville. I see no reason why it shouldn't be instituted in Bellevue and I'm going to lean on the school board until it is. My kids could be as dumb during the first school quarter as any in the country if I had a little talk with them." o.'.o *.. .-" ": .. .-.. ,% "(':'. ,. . . "That's the bargain basement, in case you're shopping with American dollars." The resourceful Bounty also sees personal dollars in the future as the result of a study of littering conducted at the Bounty said he was already aware of the reward offered University of Washington. for putting the finger on citizens who try to play games with "Part of the study was an experiment in two Seattle the Internal Revenue Service, and when he added the two movie houses," Bounty explained. "First, the investigators By STEVE ERICKSON The jingle's opening lines would give Polyanna new revenue sources to the income tax treasure he knew he weighed the trash movie patrons deposited in trash cans. It Put on a cheerful face, then scrounge for parking space; you can imagine how they grabbed the American Cynic: had found the way to remedy his insolvency, amounted to 19 and 16 per cent of the total litter produced show off a big o1' smile, no pay raise for a while; have a "We're searching for sunshine, "'But that was just the beginning," he said, the light of in the respective theatres. Next, they experimented with genius in his eyes. "1 had time to think up there on that ways to discourage littering, including putting more trash happysuchday-isOh,theYOU'Vesweet_lemongOt cancer, idiombY the waY.of an hysterical We'reA silverikinglining,fra happya friendlYface,place, : mountain; my feet were frozen but my mind was as clear as cans in the lobbies and handing out litterbags. They even "Everybody Smile!" craze that's sweeping the nation like a A little grin in that open space, i: the winter sky above my head. 1 deduced, while showed Wait Disney's short feature, 'Litterbug.' The best simpering cyclone, bending millions of grinning, gullible And a chance to say, contemplating my navel (which was also frozen), thatthey could do was 57 per cent, which left 43 per cent of the human willows in its path. Have a Happy Day." Americans have about given up on improving the human race trash on the floor." A notable exception is the American Cynic, who frowns Shepard figured "If people hear only how bad thinbs and have decided that materialism is the only answer to the Then came the move that got the trash into the cans, on insincere smiling, they're likely to retrench and save money, not problems materialism has inflicted on our society. 1 figured Bounty continued. In one theatre the investigators handed "The whole thing is a bunch a baloney," he snorts, "a plot important to have consumers in a spending frame there must be dozens of reward funds offered for aetious out 10 cents for each litter bag turned in after the show. The to make everybody happy and a few people rich. But it won't Our idea was to convince people things are looking which any good citizen should take as a matter of course. 1 amount of trash collected jumped to 94 per cent. In the work. drive away creeping pessimism. decided to do a little research on the subject." other theatre they gave patrons free tickets to a children's "Besides, I don't want to be happy," he adds, arms "People in a good frame of mind are more likely to movie for each bag turned in, and the figure rose to 95 per folded across his chest, mouth turned down, eyes sullen, dollars," Shepard added happily, "which helps Bounty's studies proved his assumption correct, and he cent. attitude morose. "This is how I feel, and this is the way you which helps us." was off and running, feel too, if you'd admit it. This is the way everybody feels. What's good for General Bullmoose and KISN "1 found one that should bring in at least a thousand "They came to the conclusion - which fits in with my It's a lousy world - only an idiot would smile." good for the U. S. A. bucks a year," he said. "The state highway commission theory discovered on Mt. Pilchuck - that the only way to Of course, the American Cynic is not a pleasant person. "The idea of promoting happiness is somethin prevent people from acting like pigs is to bribe them to act He only smiles at others' pratfalls; his is a banana-peel sense caught on," Shepard said. "It's almost a fad - like pays $100 for information leading to the arrest and like civilizedhumanbeings,"saidBounty. conviction of vandals who damage highway rest stops. The of humor. Revolution." g tgMI amtehed by mttmmo btfmadmt,tlqac, che iper to pay patrons to turnStill, hemight have something there. .......... : Brother Shepard smiled when he said that. for dach ae(i vandalism up m t enr trash' an i{ ;as to h re someone to pick it up, which There is more truth than poetry, in his glo6my eofifdh'tion Symbol of all this good cheer is not a cash re'gister.'] leads Bounty to conclude that it is just a matter of time until that "They wind you up and you're supposed to go around Smile Button, once described by a sourpuss as "a Bounty has big plans for next summer for this reward all theatres will adopt a program of litter rewards. He pointed with this big plastic smile on your face, but aaaggghhh! Who circle stamped with a permanent blank smile." It loOkS program. He revealed he will leave each of his eight children and his wife and brother-in-law at separate rest stops, moving out that with his large family he would collect a dollar each needs it?" your banker or bail bondsman. time they attended a movie - even if they left his The American Cynic, normally a decent looking The Smile Button has also been ch each during the three months so that all rest stops in the state brother-in-law at home. individual, is far from handsome when he contorts his "possibly the most pervasive symbol in America since countenance into one of his frequent AAAGGGHHH's. It is Flag," although the American Cynic reports that, are covered. "1 see a bright future in my new vocation," Bounty said, not a happy face. Flag, Smile Buttons are non-combustible. Only the "'If they catch only one vandal apiece during the summer, i've got $2,000 to apply on the old mortgage," he said with with enthusiasm. "I may never design another seat button, Still, he might have something there. Cynic burns. enthusiasm, even if the aerospace industry returns to its former glory. Consider, for example, the unabashed confession of Steve A recent full-page newspaper advertisement There are unlimited options open to me because I am, after Shepard, a driving force in the Let A Smile Be Your Umbrella range of happy face products in a depat:tment store, Study of the Rivers and Harbors Act has made Bounty an all, the first person to see the possibilities of this new way to movement. Shepard is vice president and general manager of rugs, lamps, lighters, dolls, cuff links, necklaces, expert on refuse. He can spot a polluter at a distance of two make a living. After I have worked out the bugs, I intend to KISN Radio, which until recently deadened the earlobes with appropriately enough, trash cans. miles with the naked eye and can produce an instant analysis incorporate and make it a regular business, with branches what seemed millions of Have A Happy Day fiats daily, And here's a tasteful inspiration - the blank of refuse content, throughout the country, employing a tuneless jingle which, to say the least, grew old projects good cheer from toilet seats. A movement "! set up a chemical laboratory in my recreation room,""I'm going to call it Bounty's Hunters, Inc." fast. movement, designed to do for human regularity he explained. "! can take a sack of garbage which has been music does for contented cows. Smile Buttons cost from 15 cents to a dollar gaudy golden model is available through a New for $8.95. He smiles every time he unloads one. The American Cynic, confronted with evidence that smiling is healthy, remunerative and As of this month, 12 statewide measures are 2. Throwing away litter is a misdemeanor, Department of Ecology acting in a "supportive and House Joint Resolution No. 1. HJR 1 would Internal Revenue, remained singularly unmoved. scheduled to appear on the November 1972 state 3. Litter receptacles designed by the Department review capacity". Developments in shoreline areas, require that all tax exemptions be reviewed once "How," he asked the other day in a tone both general election ballot. They include three of Ecology are to be placed in locationswith certain exceptions, would require a permit every ten years beginning in 1977. Taxes on Initiatives, two measures proposed by thedetermined by the Department. from "the governmental entity having property owned by religious organizations and used and grieved, "can any reasonable person be happy, Legislature as alternatives to Initiatives, and seven 4. Litter bags are to be distributed at no charge to administrative jurisdiction." for religious or educational purposes would not be this environment the Establishment has created?" proposed constitutional amendments. In the car owners at the time of license renewal.Initiative No. 44. This is an Initiative to the included in this review. Exemptions not re-enacted The American Cynic might have something following paragraphs, the general content of each of 5. There is imposed an annual litter assessment of Legislature. As is the case with Initiatives 40 and 43, before March 1, 1977 and before March 1 of every remained for Ann Casey, salesgirl at a New these measures is brieflv described, one and one-half of one hundredth of one per Initiative 44 was not enacted into law by the 1972 ten years thereafter would expire automatically. Woolworth Store, to put the entire Smile S Initiatives and Alternative Measures cent (.015%) of the gross proceeds of sales of Legislature and thus will appear on the November House Joint Resolution No. 21. HJR 21 would ludicrous perspective. Initiative No. 40. This Initiative to the certain types of business (those "reasonably 1972 state general election ballot. It would establish authorize combined city-government in any county Mrs. Casey, whose brighteyed bosses require Legislature is a litter control act, the purpose of related to the litter problem") a statutory limit of 20 mills on 50 per cent of actual which is "to control and remove litter from this Initiative No. 43. This lnitiative to the Legislature value (equivalent to a tax of one per cent of actual of the state; a minimum population for the big- yellow Smile Button as she deals with ,, combined unit no longer would be specified, nitty-gritty element at its own level, said after state to the maximum extent possible." The State is entitled Shorelines Protection Act". The basic value). The limitation would apply only to taxes Department of Ecology would be responsible for carrying out the provisions of the Act. Major purpose of the Initiative is the adoption, imposed without a vote of the people and, if Consolidation could involve a city(or cities)and all the ordeal of a trinket sale: implementation and enforcement of a approved, probably would first affect taxes due in of the county in which it was located or only a "Smile? How can you smile? This thing features of the Act are as follows: comprehensive plan" for the saltwater and1974. Apparently, there is some possibility that portion of the county. Municipal corporations could 'Smile, damn you, smile! .... i 1. A full time corps of at least 40 "ecology freshwater shoreline areas of Washington. The state taxes payable in 1973 would come under the be retained within the city-county. Variation in patrolmen" would be created to patrol parks and local planning and control procedures which limitation. The statutory limitation on taxes due in property tax rates within the boundaries of the/ \ t and other public places for the purpose ofwould be established by the Initiative would apply 1971 without voter approval, is 22 mills,city-county could be formed by a majority vote of ' electors within the proposed unit. A enforcing litter regulations, to most shoreline areas no matter how small the Proposed Constitutional Amendments 2. Throwing away litter, including from a moving body of water and would include land 500 feet up Home Joint Resolution No. 47. Under present t vehicle, would be a misdemeanor, subject to a from the water's edge. The Department of Ecology Senate Joint Resolution No. 1. S JR 1 would law, special levies are validated only if those voting fine of at least $10.00. would be directed to prepare a comprehensive plan eliminate the present constitutional, 40 mill-50 per on the levy are equivalent to 40 per cent of those 3. Litter receptacles designed by the Department for the shorelines of Washington; locally developed cent assessment level limitation and substitute a who voted in the last general election and if60 oer of Ecology would be placed in locationsplans would be included if acceptable to the requirement that taxes imposed without a vote of cent of those voting on the propositionfavorit.HJR determined by the Department. Department. Developments in shoreline areas, with the people must not exceed one per cent of the true 47 would relax these validations requirements , " 4. Litter bags would be distributed at no charge to certain exceptions, would require a permit from the and fair value of property. Through implementing significantly. See June 1971 Monthly Report. i . car owners at the time of license renewal. Department of Ecology or from counties and cities legislation, this limitation could be expressed as 20 "---. 5. There would be an annual litter assessment of when the Department has approved this procedure, mills on 50 per cent, 10 mills on 100 per cent, etc. House Joint Resolution No. 52. HJR 52 would eliminate the present $400,000 state debt one and one-half of one hundredth of one per At least seven regional citizens' advisory councils Senate Joint Resolution No. 5. SJR 5 would limitation. A new limit, expressed in terms of the cent (.015%) of the gross proceeds of sales of would be established to aid in the preparation of eliminate the present constitutional prohibition relationship of debt service to revenues, would be certain types of business (those "reasonably plans, against legislative authorization of lotteries and established. The Legislature could authorize debt related to the litter problem"). Alternative to Initiative No. 43. Substitute House states: "Lotteries shall be prohibited except as without a vote of the people so long as the principal "The chimney is drawing much better since you Jell Alternative to Initiative No. 40. Senate Bill 428 Bill 584 (Chapter 286, Laws of 1971 Ex) is entitled specifically authorized upon the affirmative vote of and interest payments on the new debt, when added (Chapter 307, Laws of 1971 Ex.) is entitled a Model "Shoreline Management Act of 1971". The measure sixty per cent of the members of each house of the to existing debt service, did not exceed 9.0 per cent Litter Control Act. This measure is effective law until i s e f f e c t i v e 1 a w u n t i 1 t h e legislature or, notwithstanding any other provision of the average annual general tax revenues received the voters make a decision at the 1972 state election, voters make a decision at the 1972 state election, of this Constitution, by referendum or initiative by the state during the preceding three years. The purpose of the law is "to control and remove The basic purpose of the law is the development of approved by a sixty per cent affirmative vote of the Authorization for such debt would require a 60 per litter from this state to the maximum practical extent procedures for the "utilization, protection, electors voting thereon." cent favorable vote by both the House and Senate. possible." The State Department of Ecology is restoration, and preservation" of shorelines. State Senate Joint Resolution No. 38. The Voters of the state could approve debt in excess of Mailing Address: Box430, Sheeton, Wa. 98584 Phooe responsible for administering the law. Major features and local planning and control procedures Constitution now requires the Legislature to the 9.0 per cent limitation at any general or special of the law are as follows: established by the law apply to many shoreline areas establish salary levels for elected officials of county state election. Certain revenue bonds could, in Member of National Editorial Association !. Employees of the Department of Ecology may and include 200 feet upland from defined shorelines government. SJR 38 would permit the Legislature effect, be made general obligation bonds. The State Member of Washington Newspaper Publishers' SUBSCRIPTION RATES: $5.00 per year in Mason be vested with police power to enforce litter of statewide significance. The law gives local to "delegate to the legislative authority of the Building Authority and the Capitol Committee in advance--Outside Mason County $6.00 regulations and may contract with other law government the primary responsibility for initiating counties the right to prescribe the salaries of its own would become nonoperative and the formation of enforcement agencies for assistance, and administering the regulatory program", with the members and the salaries of other county officers." similar agencies would be prohibited. EDITOR AND PUBLISHER ..................... Page 4 - Shelton-Mason County Journal - Thursday, December 16. 1971