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Newspaper Archive of
Shelton Mason County Journal
Shelton, Washington
April 2, 1970     Shelton Mason County Journal
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April 2, 1970
 
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Roll over, sheep, and be counted! Big Brother in Boondoggle, D.C., needs your help if he is to keep his bureaus overstaffed during the next ten years. You can do your part by answering a bunch of questions that are really none of his business. So be a good sheep and fill in your census form. The census was authorized by the United States Constitution to determine the apportionment of representatives and direct taxes among the several states. Keep this fact in mind when you answer the question: "Do you have a flush toilet?" Also keep in mind the relationship of government to its citizens when you provide the answers to: a) whether you have been married more than once, b) the date of your first marriage, and c) whether this first marriage ended because of the death of the husband or wife. Your government has gone to great pains and a great deal of expense to es blish a citizenry which services its bureaus• In order for this relationship to function properly, the public servant (that's you) must cooperate with the bureaucrats. ) @ All bureaus were established for a worthwhile purpose and then grew to tremendous proportions with the addition 1 of busy work. Without the busy work, the giant computers would fall silent and hundreds of thousands of government employees would be forced to seek gainful employment. And the 1970 census form, dear friends, was designed to provide busy work for at least ten years. Take the matter of flush toilets, for instance, an earth-shaking topic second to none, including civil rights and law and order. Every federal department from Health, Education and Welfare to Defense will be quivering to evaluate the statistics on who does and who does not have a flush toilet. Health, Education and Welfare will determine, after 36,394,296 man-hours, that there are 6,793 school districts throughout the nation in which the number of toilets per 1,000 students is inadequate. It will set up a massive toilet training aid program, complete with textbooks, a crash toilet teacher education plan and subsidies for districts which integrate the program into their Contemporary Problems curriculum. \t "He's been insufferable ever since we listed him on the census form!" Department of Defense officials, aghast to discover that 146,310 members of the armed forces come from homes no flush toilets, will assign a task force of 2,029 civilian experts to find something significant in the statistics and develop a program to meet whatever problems they can devise. After eight years-and the help of 300 consultants hired by the day-they will advise the department to revise the recruit training schedule to include the digging of an additional small hole beside each foxhole. By ROBERT C. CUMMINGS During the filing season, the number of initiative measures filed with the Secretary of State always looks imposing, but the number brought in so far this year is just about normal. The Department of Agriculture will discover, to its .... ~, - - Eight were filed in 1968, but .... horror, that Moose Pimple, Montana, has only 4.1 *-t ...... h totlerB per !0 households, and will dispatch an sil]natur 'or?tn the ballot. At airlift to drop 100,000 pamphlets entitled "The Care and Feeding of the Commode" on that hamlet. The Department of Transportation will gather the best minds from the county's leading universities for a committee to study the effects of flush toilets, or the lack of them, on the commuting habits of mass transit users, with special emphasis on the suburbanites of midwest farming communities. The Post Office Department will request figures from the Bureau of the Census by return mail and the letter will arrive on January 3, 1978. Detailed studies by the Justice Department will prove conclusively that persons occupying homes without flush toilets are generally subversive, so the Attorney General will request Congress to pass legislation containing a no-knock provision applicable to public restrooms. Law officers who suspect that explosives or firearms may be stored in a pay toilet will be authorized to invade such stalls without knocking-or depositing a dime. Other federal bureaus, of course, will make use of the census statistics, as will state, county and city governments. Without your cooperation in answering the questions, utter chaos will ensue wherever bureaucrats are ensconced. So, roll over, sheep, and be counted. the moment it appears only one of those filed this year will qualify. The only measure brought in so far which seems to have the necessary organization and finances for a successful signature campaign is the one designed to clear the way for bingo and other "non-profit" gambling. Though a place on the ballot appears to be assured, the fate of the "bingo" initiative at the polls remains doubtful. Open opposition is expected from the professional gamblers. If successful at the polls, a court challenge is a virtual certainty. No Guarantee Even after making the ballot, the chances of winning approval at the polls aren't much better than even. Of the 54 initiative measures submitted to the voters since 1914-when the initiative process first went into operation-28 have been approved and 24 rejected. The odds have improved somewhat since 1930, however, with 26 being approved during the latter period, while 18 were being defeated. As for the odds against getting enough signatures to qualify for the ballot, a total of 246 measures were filed from 1914 through 1968. Only 54 of them reached the voters. And it has become tougher since 1958, when ground rules were changed to require signatures equaling 8 percent of the votes cast for governor in the last preceding election to qualify an initiative for the ballot. Prior to 1958, only 50,000 signatures were required. The current requirement is nearly 102,000, and it goes up after every gnbneratorial election. Here's some good news to take your mind off inflation while you are making out that supplemental check to the Bureau of Internal Revenue: Secretary of the Interior Walter Hickel has hired a Seattle interior decorator to redesign his office in Washington, D.C. for a fee of $10,000. He has also installed a sauna bath in the building for his own use and that of favored employees. The decorator's fee and the $3,500 bill for the sauna bath will be paid with money collected by the Bureau of Internal Revenue. ! LL i If you aren't lucky enough to be making out a supplemental check, take comfort in the fact that the money withheld from your paycheck last year is going toward such worthwhile projects. You aren't being left out. Founded 1886 by Grant C. Angle Malltnl Addfllm: Box 430, Slmlton, Wash. 98584 Phone 426-4412 PuMiIIhN at Shelton, Mason County, Washington, every Thursday. Entered as Second