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Page A-4 Shelton-Mason County Journal Thursday, April 14,
I '
Having historical figures over for dinner
people of historical impor-
tance to dinner, who would
you invite? The rules are they
wouldn’t be dead at dinner,
you can’t invite Hitler (who
wants to hear “Hitler’s here!”)
and they would leave by 9 so
you’d have time to clean and
get to bed at a proper hour.
Let’s imagine our guests
are William Shakespeare,
Joan of Arc, Franz Kafka and
Socrates
Joan of Arc arrives at the
house first, followed by Shake-
speare and Kafka, who came'
in an Uber. Both appear to
have been drinking. Socrates
is minutes late — he got
into a fistfight with his-limo
driver.
ME: Finally, we’re all here!
Welcome! Let me introduce
everyone. This is William
Shakespeare, English poet
and playwright. That’s Joan
of Arc, French military leader
slash heretic slash saint. This
is Franz Kafka, the existen-
tial novelist from-Prague, and
If you could have four dead
KIRK ERICSON
THESE
TIMES
Socrates, well, I don’t think he
needs any introduction.
SHAKESPEARE: Oh? T’is I
who need an introduction?
SOCRATES: I’m older than
you. ‘
ME: Sorry. No offense.
Let’s all sit down.
(They sit at the dining
room table.) :
JOAN OF ARC: You’re
serving barbecued steak? To
Joan of ‘Arc? Uh
ME: OK, let’s eat. Hey!
Anyone know the time?
SHAKESPEARE: Celestial
Standard Time or Pacific?
ME: Very funny.
JOAN OF ARC: It’s 7.
ME: Oh. (I grab the TV re-
mote) Mind if we watch ‘The
Simpsons?’
SHAKESPEARE: ‘The
Simpsons?’
SOCRATES: I must make
the same inquiry.
KAFKA: It’s a TV show and
it’s fantastic. I watch it all the
time on Disney+. b
ME: We’ll watch it on FXX.
I don’t have Disney+
KAFKA: Darn. Disney is
my favorite plus.
ME: It’s a fantastic show,
and this episode is one of my
favorites. The young boy Bart
sells his soul to his best friend.
KAFKA: You’re kidding
me! That’s one of my favorites
tool
ME: Really? (Pointing my
fork at Kafka) You’re OK.
(The TV plays “The Simp-
sons” opening sequence.)
SOCRATES: I’m confused.
You
ME: Shush!
SOCRATES: I must insist.
You brought us here for‘ one
of the finest gatherings of his—
torical figures in history and
you’re making us watch this
idiocy?
KAFKA: Hey! Shut your
pie hole! You haven’t even
seen it yet.
ME: Franz is right. If you
can’t be quiet, go somewhere
else.
SOCRATES: Fine! I didn’t
drink hemlock for this.
(Socrates throws his napkin
on the table and stomps out
the door.) ,
JOAN OF ARC: Good. He’s
a polytheist anyway.
KAFKA: I’m an atheist.
JOAN OF ARC: Still?
ME: Shh!
(‘The Simpsons” episode
starts. Conversation resumes
during a commercial break.)
KAFKA: The notion of a
commoditized soul is an ab-
surdist indictment of this
culture’s fixation on finan-
cial wealth. I like what your
poet Gary Snyder said in this
regard: ‘True affluence is not
needing anything.’
JOAN OF ARC: I once
needed a fire extinguisher.
ME: Quiet you two.
(The show resumes. Kafka
and Joan of Arc laugh often,
but Shakespeare is quiet —
he’s writing a play on every
available dinner napkin. The
show ends.)
ME: Wasn’t that great?
Wasn’t that funny?
KAFKA: Sure was. I think
the best line was when Bart
said, “I AM familiar with the
works of Pablo Neruda.”
SHAKESPEARE: (Looking
up from his now-finished play)
Huh?
, JOAN OF ARC: The rea-
son that’s funny is because no
10-year-old boy in the United
States would be familiar with
the works of Pablo Neruda.
ME: Yes indeed. Everybody
quiet again. ‘South Park’ is on
next.
I Contact Kirk Ericson at
kirk@masoncounty.com
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Thanks far your help
Editor, the Journal,
Thank you so much to the kind lady
who stayed with me when I fell in
the street and injured myself March
24. I did not get your name, but your
thoughtfulness will remain a blessing
to me forever.
Gratefully,
Joey Thompson
Shelton
Kudos to Sheldon
Editor, the Journal,
I would like to chime in behind John
Ervin’s letter last week in thanking
Tim Sheldon for his service to our
county and our state.
In ourfamily moved its
fledgling business to Mason County. I
can say without any doubt, if not for
Tim’s assistance, along with his then
Economic Development Council as-
sociate Jay Hupp, things could have
worked difierently for our firm.
Additionally, credit also goes to my
late friend, Tom Spikes, who as the
business banking representative for
Heritage Bank, was a major catalyst
Slnl’tonmasonabnntn Journal ‘
USPS 492-800
POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Shelton-Mason
County Journal, P.O. Box 430, Shelton, WA 98584.
Published weekly by the Shelton-Mason County Journal
'at W. Cota St., Shelton, Washington.
Mailing address: PO. Box 430, Shelton, WA 98584
Telephone: 360-426—4412
Website: www.masoncounty.com
Periodicals postage paid in Shelton, Washington.
in our success here in Mason County.
Tom, now gone, is not forgotten. His
influence on business in this county
still has his presence, including fond
memories by friends and business
clients.
Good luck Tim, you will be missed.
You were like a giant circuit—breaker
in our snafir state Legislature.
Patrick Burke
American Cushion Industries
Shelton
Owners and camps
Editor, the Journal,
Headline in the March Journal:
“City targets camps”
Wait. What? .
That headline should read: “City
targets property owners.”Shelton Po-
lice Chief Carole Beason told the City
Council that homeless people were, in
essence, trespassing on private prop—
erty. That they were dumping trash,
defecating on the ground and starting
dangerous fires. It seems to me that
all their acts are unlawful.) Why tell
the council? Why not enforce the law?
The next paragraph states that a
proposed ordinance would make the
property owner responsible for the
cleanup or if they don’t, could even-
tually have a lien placed on their
property. Beason said the ordinance
“gives us another tool to be able to
hold property owners accountable for
what is going on on their property.”
I’m sure that some, if not all of you
— the police chief and council mem-
bers —— are parents. Would any of you
hold one of your children account-
able for what you know another child
had done? Beason also said some
property owners don’t know that
people have set up camps on their
land and that “there’s a lot of trash, a
lot of debris, and we also have other
crimes being committed on some of
the properties.”I hope this proposed
ordinance won’t try to make the
property owners accountable for the
“other crimes” being committed, or
will it be applied differently for those
who don’t know that crimes are being
committed on their property?
At the April business meeting
and the May action agenda, the
City Council should be discussing
how to protect property owners. You
know, like enforcing the law. Council
member .loe Schmit said “we’re not
making it illegal to have unhoused
people in the city limits, or an orga-
nized encampment.”He said it needs
to be “permitted” and go through-a
“process” within the city to do it in a
“legal way.” Is he saying that there
is a permit and process within our
city rules that can make trespassing
legal?
Beason said property owners could
make their land “less desirable” to
campers by removing trees to create
greater visibility. Will the city pay
for the logging permit to do this? I
don’t think so. If the city, churches or
any other local groups want to allow
homeless encampments on their own
properties, that’s fine. However, none
of them should be held responsible
for cleaning up the area. It would be
cheaper in the long run to make the»
offenders do the work. If you don’t,
they will just stand back out of the
way and watch someone else do the
job. That will not fix anything.
This state, from the top down,
seems to protect the guilty/criminal
and punish the law-abiding citizens.
Keith Schouviller
Shelton
see LETTERS, page A—5
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