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Newspaper Archive of
Shelton Mason County Journal
Shelton, Washington
November 19, 2020     Shelton Mason County Journal
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November 19, 2020
 
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Page A-4 - Shelton-Mason County Journal Thursday, Nov. 19, 2020 THESE TIMES Laughter is the best vaccine rljhe king of Sweden was hunt- ing in the woods with an aide. As they walked, a man appeared in a clearing 100 yards away. The king raised his rifle and pointed it at the man. The man in the clearing shout- ed, “Don’t shoot. I’m not a moose!” The king fired a shot, killing the man. Stunned, the aide said, “Sire, he said ‘I’m not a moose.’ ” , ' “Oh,” the king said. “I thought he said, ‘I am a moose.’ ” I “I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world.” Steven Wright I “Nothing gives you confidence like being a member of a small, weirdly specific, hard-to-find demo- graphic.” —— Mindy Kaling I “I keep randomly shouting out ‘broccoli’ and ‘cauliflower’ — I think I might have Florets.” —— Olaf Falafel I A guy is walking past an in- sane asylum when he hears the resi- dents inside chanting, “Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!” Curious, he finds a hole in the wall and looks in. Immediately he’s poked in the eye, then everyone inside starts chant- ing, “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!” I “The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.” —— Rosanne Barr I “The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They’re relent- less.” — Mitch Hedberg I “I’ve never really thought of myself as depressed as much as par- alyzed by hope.” —- Maria Bamford ' I “I really wish ISIS would stop playing violent video games and lis— tening to Marilyn Manson.” —— Eric Lampaert I “The South has more of a dis- proportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.” — David Cross I “I don’t want fancy things. I don’t want fancy, smancy things. I don’t even want fancy, smancy, waricy things. What I want is to waste your time.” — Norm Macdon- ald v I “Yeah, I love being famous. It’s_ almost like being white.” — Chris Rock I “Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man there’s your diamond in the rough.” — Larry David USPS 492-800 ' By KIRK ERICSON I A cow named Elmer was stand- ing in a field when his friend Bessie rushed up to him. “Oh my God!” Bessie said. “I just heard mad cow disease is in the next field. The farmer will have to kill us!” “I’m not scared,” Elmer said. “How could you not be scared?” “Because I’m a duck.” I “Do you know, how many middle-age men go out for a pint of milk and never come home? Not enough.” Jenny Eclair I “You know you’re get- ting old when you stoop to tie your Shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” — George Burns . I “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then Ikilled them and took their land.” — Jon Stewart I “I’m very religious. Not if by religious you mean that I read the Bible every day and go to church faithfully no, I’m not religious in that way. But if you mean that I love others and try to help them whenever I can —- again, no. But if by religious you mean that I like to eat coleslaw — yeah, OK.” — Emo Philips I “In Vegas, I got into a long ar- gument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.” Steven Wright I A woman in Ohio hears a voice one day that tells her, “Quit your job, sell your house and take all your money and .fly to Las Vegas.” The woman ignores the voice, but the voice keeps coming back, several times a day. Finally, the woman listens. She quits her job, sells her house, and takes all his money and flies to Las Vegas. At the airport, the voice tells the woman, “Go to Caesars Palace.” She goes to Caesars Palace. The voice says, “Go to the rou- lette table.” She goes to the roulette table. The voice says, “Put all your ' money on number 33.” She puts all his money on 33. The croupier spins the wheel and the ball lands on number 5. “Rate,” the voice says. I Contact Kirk Ericson at kirk@ masoncounty.c0m. .Slnltm=Maaon€ounty'ilmmal The Shelton—Mason County Jour— naI-is a member of the Wash- Publisher: Tom Mullen JOURNAL EDITORIAL Time for Special session County Journal on Monday, 35th Legislative District Rep. Drew MacEwen, R-Union, reiterated his In an email to the Shelton-Mason call from earlier this year for Gov. Jay Inslee to call a special session of the Legislature to deal with the financial fallout of the coronavirus pandemic. We agree with MacEwen’s request, which was also backed by state Sen. Tim Sheldon, D-Potlatch. The pandemic has roiled Washing- ton since the first case in the United States was reported in Snohomish County in in in January. Unemployment rose past 10% dur- ing Inslee’s initial COVID-19 shut- down orders in March and remains over 8%. It will likely go higher as . businesses react to the restrictions that went into effect this week. ' At the same time, the state has projected a budget deficit of more than $4 billion through 2023. Throughout the pandemic, .Inslee has declined bipartisan calls from members of the Legislature to call a special session and instead acted with executive authority. This is his legal right under the broad powers given to the governor by the state’s constitution, but as the pandemic and numerous shutdown orders stretch into their ninth month, we believe that it is past time for the governor to allow other state leaders to help address the crisis. It is possible —— likely even that the Legislature will concur with In- slee’s orders and make no effort to modify or reject them. Our system of government works most effectively when there are checks and balances to each function. . Members of the Legislature also v are elected officials, chosen by the people of Washington to represent them. Their voice is also the voice of the people and. it deserves to be heard. The long-term effects of the pan- demic in our state and our lives de~ mands a strong and unified statewide response. MacEwen hascrafted several bills to present that would help businesses at a time when their existence is threatened. They would primarily as- sist in postponing taxes and other fees at a time when even a small reserve of cash can mean the difference be- tween a business surviving or perma- nently closing its doors. COVID-19 is a deadly disease that has killed more than 250,000 people in the United States. It is the crisis of our time. We don’t dispute that Inslee’s or- ders have saved lives in our state. ' They have. ’ Despite being the first hotspot of the. pandemic, Washington’s quick response ensured that the virus did not get out of control here as it did in a number of other states. We commend that. Still, it is vital that Inslee engage with other elected leaders of our state and we strongly encourage the governor to call an immediate special session. LA LA LA LA I CAN'T SEE YOUI I CAN‘T HEAR YOU! NO mans! NO 015- TANCEI AMA CONSPIRACY! FAKE NEWSI LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA Front office: Dave Pierik, Office Administrator . Design: Lloyd Mullen, Creative Director ington Newspaper Publishers General Manager: John Lester POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Shelton-Mason Karen Hranac, Customer Service , County Journal, PO. Box 430, Shelton, WA 98584. ASSOCiation- , . 1 Advertising: V , Delivery: All regular editorial, advertising published weekly by the Shalom/Mason County Jauma/ ‘ SUBSCRIPTION RATES: Theresa Murray, Ad Representative Jon Garza and legal deadlines are 5 pm. the at 227 W. Cota St., Shelton, Washington. $62 per year ($43 for six months) David Olson Monday prior to publication. Newsroom: Niel Challstrom - Justin Johnson, Editor Gordon Weeks, Reporter Kirk Boxleitner, Reporter Kirk Ericson, Columnist/ Proofreader lsabella Breda, Reporter/Social Media for Mason County addresses and $75 per year ($55 for six months) outside of Mason County. Mailing address: R0. Box 430,,Shelton, WA 98584 Telephone: 360-426-4412 Website: www.masoncounty.com Periodicals postage paid in Shelton, Washington. 'To submit a letter to the editor, Composing room: email editor@masoncounty.com. William Adams. Advertising Owned and published by Design and Technical Support Shelton—Mason County Journal, lnc.