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Page A-4 - Shelton-Mason County Journal Thursday, Nov. 19, 2020
THESE TIMES
Laughter is the best vaccine
rljhe king of Sweden was hunt-
ing in the woods with an
aide. As they walked, a man
appeared in a clearing 100 yards
away. The king raised his rifle and
pointed it at the man. The
man in the clearing shout-
ed, “Don’t shoot. I’m not a
moose!”
The king fired a shot,
killing the man. Stunned,
the aide said, “Sire, he said
‘I’m not a moose.’ ” , '
“Oh,” the king said. “I
thought he said, ‘I am a
moose.’ ”
I “I have a large seashell
collection, which I keep
scattered on beaches all over the
world.” Steven Wright
I “Nothing gives you confidence
like being a member of a small,
weirdly specific, hard-to-find demo-
graphic.” —— Mindy Kaling
I “I keep randomly shouting
out ‘broccoli’ and ‘cauliflower’ — I
think I might have Florets.” —— Olaf
Falafel
I A guy is walking past an in-
sane asylum when he hears the resi-
dents inside chanting, “Thirteen!
Thirteen! Thirteen!” Curious, he
finds a hole in the wall and looks in.
Immediately he’s poked in the eye,
then everyone inside starts chant-
ing, “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”
I “The quickest way to a man’s
heart is through his chest.” ——
Rosanne Barr
I “The depressing thing about
tennis is that no matter how much I
play, I’ll never be as good as a wall.
I played a wall once. They’re relent-
less.” — Mitch Hedberg
I “I’ve never really thought of
myself as depressed as much as par-
alyzed by hope.” —- Maria Bamford '
I “I really wish ISIS would stop
playing violent video games and lis—
tening to Marilyn Manson.” —— Eric
Lampaert
I “The South has more of a dis-
proportionate amount of irony on
T-shirts than any other region in
the country.” — David Cross
I “I don’t want fancy things. I
don’t want fancy, smancy things.
I don’t even want fancy, smancy,
waricy things. What I want is to
waste your time.” — Norm Macdon-
ald v
I “Yeah, I love being famous. It’s_
almost like being white.” — Chris
Rock
I “Anyone can be confident with
a full head of hair. But a confident
bald man there’s your diamond in
the rough.” — Larry David
USPS 492-800
' By KIRK
ERICSON
I A cow named Elmer was stand-
ing in a field when his friend Bessie
rushed up to him.
“Oh my God!” Bessie said. “I just
heard mad cow disease is in the
next field. The farmer will
have to kill us!”
“I’m not scared,” Elmer
said.
“How could you not be
scared?”
“Because I’m a duck.”
I “Do you know, how
many middle-age men go out
for a pint of milk and never
come home? Not enough.”
Jenny Eclair
I “You know you’re get-
ting old when you stoop to tie your
Shoelaces and wonder what else you
could do while you’re down there.”
— George Burns .
I “I celebrated Thanksgiving
in an old-fashioned way. I invited
everyone in my neighborhood to my
house, we had an enormous feast,
and then Ikilled them and took
their land.” — Jon Stewart
I “I’m very religious. Not if by
religious you mean that I read the
Bible every day and go to church
faithfully no, I’m not religious
in that way. But if you mean that
I love others and try to help them
whenever I can —- again, no. But if
by religious you mean that I like to
eat coleslaw — yeah, OK.” — Emo
Philips
I “In Vegas, I got into a long ar-
gument with the man at the roulette
wheel over what I considered to be
an odd number.” Steven Wright
I A woman in Ohio hears a voice
one day that tells her, “Quit your
job, sell your house and take all
your money and .fly to Las Vegas.”
The woman ignores the voice, but
the voice keeps coming back, several
times a day. Finally, the woman
listens.
She quits her job, sells her house,
and takes all his money and flies to
Las Vegas.
At the airport, the voice tells the
woman, “Go to Caesars Palace.”
She goes to Caesars Palace.
The voice says, “Go to the rou-
lette table.”
She goes to the roulette table.
The voice says, “Put all your '
money on number 33.”
She puts all his money on 33.
The croupier spins the wheel and
the ball lands on number 5.
“Rate,” the voice says.
I Contact Kirk Ericson at kirk@
masoncounty.c0m.
.Slnltm=Maaon€ounty'ilmmal
The Shelton—Mason County Jour—
naI-is a member of the Wash-
Publisher: Tom Mullen
JOURNAL EDITORIAL
Time for Special session
County Journal on Monday, 35th
Legislative District Rep. Drew
MacEwen, R-Union, reiterated his
In an email to the Shelton-Mason
call from earlier this year for Gov. Jay
Inslee to call a special session of the
Legislature to deal with the financial
fallout of the coronavirus pandemic.
We agree with MacEwen’s request,
which was also backed by state Sen.
Tim Sheldon, D-Potlatch.
The pandemic has roiled Washing-
ton since the first case in the United
States was reported in Snohomish
County in in in January.
Unemployment rose past 10% dur-
ing Inslee’s initial COVID-19 shut-
down orders in March and remains
over 8%. It will likely go higher as .
businesses react to the restrictions
that went into effect this week. '
At the same time, the state has
projected a budget deficit of more
than $4 billion through 2023.
Throughout the pandemic, .Inslee
has declined bipartisan calls from
members of the Legislature to call a
special session and instead acted with
executive authority.
This is his legal right under the
broad powers given to the governor
by the state’s constitution, but as the
pandemic and numerous shutdown
orders stretch into their ninth month,
we believe that it is past time for the
governor to allow other state leaders
to help address the crisis.
It is possible —— likely even that
the Legislature will concur with In-
slee’s orders and make no effort to
modify or reject them.
Our system of government works
most effectively when there are
checks and balances to each function.
. Members of the Legislature also v
are elected officials, chosen by the
people of Washington to represent
them. Their voice is also the voice of
the people and. it deserves to be heard.
The long-term effects of the pan-
demic in our state and our lives de~
mands a strong and unified statewide
response.
MacEwen hascrafted several bills
to present that would help businesses
at a time when their existence is
threatened. They would primarily as-
sist in postponing taxes and other fees
at a time when even a small reserve
of cash can mean the difference be-
tween a business surviving or perma-
nently closing its doors.
COVID-19 is a deadly disease that
has killed more than 250,000 people
in the United States. It is the crisis of
our time.
We don’t dispute that Inslee’s or-
ders have saved lives in our state. '
They have. ’
Despite being the first hotspot of
the. pandemic, Washington’s quick
response ensured that the virus did
not get out of control here as it did in
a number of other states.
We commend that.
Still, it is vital that Inslee engage
with other elected leaders of our
state and we strongly encourage the
governor to call an immediate special
session.
LA LA LA LA I CAN'T
SEE YOUI I CAN‘T HEAR
YOU! NO mans! NO 015-
TANCEI AMA CONSPIRACY!
FAKE NEWSI LA LA LA
LAAAAAAAAAA
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