December 28, 1978 Shelton Mason County Journal | ![]() |
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Jo u OPINIOI00.
All the answers
If /tr t'qmes°,?nSsWne;ts°m:d,mtr:qU;srbTlfrtrr:adi
with last year s Christmas cards.
Q - What is computer language?
liiiiJ this nthe newssspaper bysine&s it lo-oks somet$ing
, , , II=
Q -What was the most popular item bought by
parents this Christmas?
A - Batteries. It is estimated by the Retail Merchants
of North America Association that the average family with
2.4 children purchased 8.7 batteries while Christmas
shopping and 64.2 batteries on Christmas day.
Q - It's Pepsi to the Russians and Coke to the Chinese.
Who will get Nehi?
A - It's Nehi to a grasshopper, of course.
tO tO tO tO
Q -- Isn't there Something that can be done about
creeps who steal Christmas lights and vandalize holiday
displays?
A - Yes.
tO tO tO *
Q - My husband and me bougth our son a book for
Chrismas and was horifide to fine out he can harley read
nor rite. I guess they dont teach them nothing the way
they did wen we was in scool, Whut should we do?
A - Fone the principull of your suns school and set up
a apointmunt to talk about your sons teecher. Good iuk.
tO tO * tO
Q - It's Pepsi to the Russians, Coke to the Chinese and
Nehi to a grasshopper. Who will get Hires?
A - It's Hires to you, of course.
tO tO tO *
Q -- Governor Ray promised to cut back on state
spending. Now she has prepared a proposed budget of
$10.2 billion, an increase of more than 27 percent over the
present budget. What gives?
A - What gives is that the governor knows more about
economics and government than you do. If she says that
the way to cut costs is to spend 27 percent more money,
then it must be so. She has been in office two years. How
long have you been in office? She has access to experts
who wouldn't even speak to you on the street, let alone
tell you the secrets of saving the taxpayers' money by
spending more of it. They have undoubtedly shown her
how to save money by buying wholesale in larger lots. For
instance, if you need one building that costs $20 million,
but can get three buildings for $19 million apiece from a
friend, you have spent $57 million but have cut back state
: " ': ' " " "' e " ...... '
; :spendmg a €ool $!,19n qn th building y. Thats
'n* e of the wd#'s*'enment economlstg'fi'ffitve your
money. So stop asking dumb questiOns and leave
budget-making to campaign supporters and marine
biologists who understand stuff like that.
tO tO • *
Q - How can I break my husband of giving me
presents he wants instead of something I want. I asked for
a ntembership in the Vegetable of the Month Club for
Christmas and he gave me a silk negligee.
A - Hide your makeup and tell him you won't bring it
out until he listens to you.
tO tO. * *
Q - We eat most of our meals out, but on holidays I'm
stuck with preparing a big meal for a bunch of
unappreciative gluttons. Why don't the fast-food restaurants
offer a turkey dish for such occasions?
A - You are about to be set free. A leading chain
restaurant will introduce an item called Turkey McDressing
in time for next year's Thanksgiving trade. It will consist of
soy bean turkey substitute, simulated cranberries, mock
dressing with petroleum-base gravy, reconstituted pickle,
sesame seed bun, and a $27 million television advertising
campaign.
Q - I understand Senator Barry Goldwater is suing
President Jimmy Carter. What is the nature of the suit?
A - Goldwater claims Carter did not have the right to
dig a hole through the earth to China. The Senator and
other members of the China lobby are fearful that pigtailed
Chinamen will now build a ladder, crawl up the hole, and
snatch the cream of American womanhood off the streets
for service as white slaves.
tO tO tO tO
Q - It's Pepsi to the Russians, Coke to the Chinese,
Nehi to a grasshopper and Hires to you. Who will get
Shasta?
A - It will stay put, on page twelve of the big silver
song book. Shasta Song at Twilight will never be
surrendered to those who threaten the American way of
life.
91re lour.al
County" J" " (7,
Founded 1886 by Grant C. Angle
Mailing Address: Box 430, Shelton, WA 98584 Phone 426-4412
Published at 227 West Cota Street, Shelton, Mason County,
Washington 98584, weekly.
Second-class postage paid at Shelton, Washington
Member of National Editorial Association
Member of Washington Newspaper Publishers' Association
SUBSCRIPTION RATES: $8.00 per year in Mason County,
$10.00 per year in State of Washington $15.00 per year out of State
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER ..................... Henry G. Gay
Page 4 - Shelton-Mason County Journal - Thursday, December 28, 1978
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15 00EI00iFU6
How LAtCh
A pain in the computer
A couple checked into one of the new Detroit hotels
and left a 7 a.m. wake-up call.
But being an early riser, the husband was Up long
before 7, and decided he'd go down to breakfast and let his
wife sleep late.
He called the hotel switchboard, explained the
situation, and said he'd like to cancel the wake-up call.
"Sorry, sir," the answer came, "but we can't do that.
It's in the computer and there's no way to get it out now."
A reporter phoned a congressional committee and asked
to speak to the staff director. He was told the director
wouldn't be in that morning; there'd been a power failure
at his home.
Well, the reporter persisted, that was certainly too bad,
but just why did a power failure prevent him from coming
to work?
"He can't get his car out of the garage," the secretary
explained. "The garage doors are electronically controlled."
Progress: Those wonderful advances in technology that
leave the world only slightly more snafued than before.
We've come to accept the way a modem office grinds
to a halt when the copy machine is on the fritz. Or the
computerized magazine subscription list that takes only
four times as long to make a change of address. And it's
that same computer that starts spewing out renewal notices
six months before your subscription is due to expire.
Then there are the form letters like one that was sent
to the "News Desk, Wall Street Journal," and led off,
"Dear Mr. Desk... "
...... We won't eten' go into the new dtrugs, operations and
llllllllilllllli
Mack McGinnis'
Comedy0000Comrnent
lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Dei Bixler writes: "Our 1937 graduating class of Lapel, Indiana
High School had a reunion during the summer and this year both of
us showed up. In Lapel, we used to have to throw a bone in the road
to get the Greyhound bus to stop."
(Bill Copeland in Sarasota Journal)
Betty Ford certainly looks nice. She's had cosmetic surgery and
this could start a trend. Her husband Jerry is thinking of having a
pardon removed from his record.
(Mark Russell in Omaha World Herald)
Phyllis Cosnotti heard about a church bulletin that had some
announcements placed this way: Sermon: "What Makes God Tired?"
Dr. Emerson and the Choir.
,,
(Joe Browne in Pittsburg Post-Gazette)
"Television," says W. A. Clarke, "enables people with nothing to
say to talk to people who aren't listening."
(Red O'Donnell in Nashville Banner)
Seen on the back of a car by Eamie Hoberecht: Promote beef.
Run over a chicken.
(Wayne Mackey in Oklahoma City Times)
health regimens that turn out to be more dangerous than
the illness.
Computers are a favorite villain in progress scare stories.
But they aren't the only villains, to be sure.
Everyone has seen the bizarre scene of a dozen people
down on hands and knees searching the pavement or the
grass or a tennis court for a lost contact lens.
But we know of one woman who announced she was
having trouble seeing out of one eye and was off to the
optometrist. Half an hour later she was back, giggling.
Seems that the night before, she'd put one contact lens
on the top of the other in the case where she kept an extra
lens. That morning she had unwittingly put two lenses in
one eye.
High schools have been built with windows that don't
open. When the air conditioning fails on a hot day,
students are given the day off.
Last fall, when the nation moved back to standard
time, a young friend was appalled to find she had to turn
her time-and-date digital watch ahead 30 days and 23
hours.
Another man had his car battery go dead while his
power windows were down - and then the rains came and
poured in while he was parked alongside the highway to
await help.
Then there's Our society's rush to credit cards.
They're convenient all right. But just try to check into
a hotel announcing you prefer to pay cash rather than use
a credit card.
Scorn, suspicion, hostility; un-Ameriean,, if not
downright communistic.
Once upon a time, you could look at a postmark and
see exactly where and when it had been at a post office.
Now, not only does the postmark deny you some or all
of this occasionally useful infommtion, but it insists on
selling you something instead: "National Guard Month -
Gain Skills by Serving" or "Save Energy - Turn Off the
Lights."
We're sure someone - somewhere - is working on a
solution to many of these problems. And we're equally sure
those solutions will create their own problems. That's
progress - we think.
The Lapeer County Press
Brainy bumpkins
Farmers in Minot, North Dakota are trying to beat the
federal dam builders at their own game. Construction of a
$100 million dam is being considered to protect farmers
and the town of Minor from frequent flooding by the
nearby Souris River. Some 50 farmers, unhappy about the
plan that would flood their land permanently, are going to
make it difficult for the government to buy the land
needed for the dam. According to Rural America News
Service, the farmers have subdivided one acre of the land
into 4,840 parcels, one square yard each. The
postage-stamp plots sell for $20. At least a thousand plots
have been sold, and the farmers hope the government will
hog-tie itself in its own red tape trying to buy up each
parcel.
N
N
TW[flTl[S FIFTIES ' HUNDRtl)S "'
00OUR ¢1101([ or THR[&
BI[AUTI[UI, DF, ltOHINATION$
Capitol 00Dome:
Plenty of signatures
for Initietive 62
By ROBERT C. CUMMINGS chamber. Most of them
It took a frantic sprint in the to property taxes.
stretch, but sponsors of Initiative One Paves the Way
62, the tax control bill, have One proposed co]
gathered enough signatures to amendment sets the
beat the December 29 deadline, changing the article on
This is the measure which give the Legislature full
would limit tax increases to a enact any property tax
percentage of the state's annual sees fit. i::
income averaged over the three Having bipartisan su
preceding years. Sponsored by appears certain to at least
Representatives Ellen Crasweil the Senate, and should
(R., Bremerton) and Ron Dunlap good chance of also
(R., Bellevue), it is an initiative approval in the House
to the Legislature. Another prop
Up to Voters constitutional am
After the Secretary of State Donohue and Scott,
checks the signatures for validity, provide some
the initiative will be certified to tax increases by
both houses of the Legislature. constitutional ceiling on
The lawmakers can either enact debt.
it into law or let it go to the Another member
November, 1979 ballot for and Means Committee,
decision of the voters. (Slim) Rasmussen (D.,
Because it is sponsored by has submitted a pro
Republicans, and Democrats constitutional
control the Senate while the limit state spending.
House is evenly divided, the It would prohibit
measure probably will go to the Legislature from
ballot, money for state
A Chain Reaction excess of the estimated
for the corresponding fiscal)
But it could have a lot of It replaces a much
company. The measure has proposal which Rasmussen
triggered a host of other tax had pret'ded earlier but
relief measures, most of them in withdrew.
the Senate and, for the most
part, sponsored by Democrats. Extending the Lid
Several are proposed A bill offered by Don
constitutional amendments. If Odegaard, Matson and
any of these get a two-thirds would extend the 106
majority in each house, they also lid to state levies
must be submitted to the voters schools.
next year. And one pre
They don't conflict with the Rasmussen would gra
Initiative, however, so besides exemption on the first
putting a lid on taxes, the voters of the assessed valuation
may have a chance to emblazon residence occupied by a
some of the tax relief into the person. Any retired
constitution. There are also some 62 years old would be
tax relief bills in the upper regardless of income.
tt00ze l/ew00
By BILL CARRIGAN
Alcoholism Counselor
Editor's note: On September 6 of this year, Bill
over the position of coordinator/counselor of the Youth
Awareness Program for the Thurston and Mason Alcoholism
Council (TAMARC). He began coming to Shelton in early
on a once-a-week basis.
Bill was a musician in his teen years, he played with a
14 years following high school graduation. Along the
attended college in California, Florida, Alaska and Washin
now owns a master's degree from Seattle University and is
alcohol studies from the same institution. He has worked
alcoholism program director in Alaska and an outreach
for the Kittitas County Alcohol program. While in these
Bill wrote a weekly newspaper column entitled "Booze NEWS.
this issue, the Journal begins publication of the column on a
basis.
"I believe the most important service we can provide to
County residents is accurate information about alcohol,
and drug dependencies," states Carrigan. 'q'here are so
misconceptions concerning the subject of alcoholism that most
wouldn't know an alcoholic if they smelled one. That
TAMARC is expanding its services to offer the 'Booze News'
drug and alcohol education programs for the schools and
teacher and school counselor training, consultation and
individual counseling for chemically dependent people
families."
I have a strong feeling a lot of people think that because 1
with problem drinkers I am against drinking altogether. This
from the truth.
If I could drink in moderation, and not get into trouble
drink, I might still be drinking. But I did get into trouble.
left me. I lost some good friends, a good job, did time in
health problems, wrecked more than one ear, got into fightS.'"
a lot more.
My excessive use of alcohol directly resulted in all of
I kept denying I had a problem, yet I kept getting into
I drank. I kept insisting I could stop anytime I wanted to,
didn't stop. I insisted that I would control my drinking
behavior while drinking, but I didn't control anything.
controlled me.
When I finally realized I needed help, I was too ashamed
for it. I didn't want anyone to see me going to a community
center, or going to an AA meeting. It didn't seem to bother
someone saw me "falling down drunk," or making a fool of
or speeding wrecklessly through town with no concern about
over a child, or fighting over something that really didn't
difference. I just didn't want anyone to see me trying to set
Thank goodness, I finally got that false pride out of
enough to ask for help. Life has been a great deal more
since I got the "booze monkey" off my back.
But you need not go as far as I did. There are other
symptoms of a drinking problem which make themselves
sooner. I will be discussing some of them at a later date.
If you drink without it causing problems, well, "Here's
If, however, you are experiencing alcohol related
would be glad to talk with you about them in complete coo
My services are available for families of problem drinkerS,
If you would like more information, call either the
alcoholism office on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday or
between 9 and 4, or the Olympia office on weekdays
5. The Shelton number is 426-9550 and Olympia, 943-8510.